Getting In Tune

July 24, 2008

The simplest way to get in tune is by using a kazoo to sound the correct pitch. Kazoos don’t require batteries and make a very rich sound. It is important to use a steady breath making sure that the pitch you’d like does not waver. One drawback of using a kazoo to tune a fiddle is that water vapor will drip out of the end of the kazoo and it is important to hold the fiddle in a fashion that will divert the water away from the f holes. Bear in mind that it is water and not spit that flows from the kazoo. It is condensation caused by the warm breath meeting the cold metal of the kazoo. So maybe a kazoo is not the best choice for tuning a fiddle but it is ideal for tuning up the old banjo. The rich tones of the kazoo and banjo make a wonderful noise.

Get In Tune

Get In Tune

Scott McClellan’s Tell All Book, “Scooter”

May 30, 2008

Bush’s Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan has published a book that has the inside scoop of the goings on and shenanigans of the Bush administration. This book should settle the question once and for all that so many Americans want to know. Was 9-11 an inside job? I’ve yet to get my hands on the book but one gem is the story of how I. Lewis Libby got the handle “Scooter”. According to McClellan “Scooter” has a habit of scooting around on the carpet in order to scratch his ass.

Scooter

The Foot

January 6, 2008

Those that have spent time listening to a group of folks sitting around playing old time music will often wonder how it is that the musicians make these wonderful tunes end at the same time. To one unfamiliar with the music and really can’t tell the difference between the A part and the B part and the many variations of the rendering of the tune, let alone the occasional addition of a C part, the ending of the tune by all the musicians on the same note after an indeterminable amount of time can seem quite remarkable in itself. But after a couple of tunes have been played the keen observer will notice that the ending of the tune will be preceded by the lifting of the foot.

What may not be apparent to the casual observer is that it is not the lifting of the foot that announces the end of the tune. Rather it is the sound of the fart that follows. This signal blast may be lost to the ears of one unaccustomed to the squalling of the fiddle, sounding much like the squawking of a flock of geese flying overhead, but to the ears of the seasoned old time musician it is the signal to play the final note of a wonderful old time fiddle tune.

So next time you listen to a group of old time musicians and you see one of them raise the foot off the ground lean in a little closer and listen very carefully for a cherished and time honored old time musical tradition.

Foot

Happy New Year

January 1, 2008

2007 was a great year for me and it ended with a bang. I was determined to win the very last cribbage game of the year but as luck would have it not only did I win the game but my opponent was skunked. It was glorious. Happy New Year everybody.

Cribbage Master

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2007

The Winter Solstice fell on Saturday, Saturn’s Day, this year. So the rebirth of the Sun started on his day, Sunday. All and all I’d say it was a successful Saturnalia this year. This bodes well for the Democrats in 2008.

Young Bill Gates

December 19, 2007

Young Bill Gates was a geeky nerd, some folks thought he was a genius.

But who else than a geeky nerd would name his software after his penis?

Mormonism, Ultimate Clamper Farce?

December 17, 2007

I’ve been reading, well lightly scanning, the Book Of Mormon on the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible site, and I’m struck by the many similarities in the story line of the book and the story of the creation of the Ancient And Honorable Order Of E Clampus Vitus. What really got me thinking about this is when I realized that Utah is called The Beehive State.

In 1844-45, Ephraim Bee formed a Chapter of E Clampus Vitus in Lewisport, Virginia. He would hold his meetings at his bar, called The Beehive Tavern. His chapter became very popular, and although there were other chapters spread across the country, Bee’s chapter is considered to be the one that gave birth to the chapters in the Golden Hills of California.

The Clampers are known for their mockery of the Masons, the sashes, the tin vestal adornments and officious ceremonies and most importantly their care and concern for the widders and orphans of Clamperdom, especially the widders. Although not a religious organization Mormonism seems to smack of all the values that a Clamper would want in a religion. Each man is a prophet and has many wives. Ceremonies are held in secret places accompanied by the most outlandish and absurd claims of spiritual truth. A man will eventually become a god. Jesus and Lucifer are brothers. These are stories that one might hear in the Hall Of Comparable Ovations.

So I ask, is it possible that Joseph Smith, Orson and Parley Pratt, Brigham Young and the others were Frolicking Friars, brothers in good standing in the Ancient And Honorable Order Of E Clampus Vitus, and that the religion they founded is but a farce, a mockery of the Roman Catholic Church? Credo Quia Absurdum.

Satisfactory

Mark 21-28

December 13, 2007

How in the heck did this one slip past them?

Mark 21-28

21Then Jesus went thence, and departed into the coasts of Tyre and Sidon.

22And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.

23But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.

24But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

25Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.

26But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs.

27And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.

28Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.

Given the convoluted history of the Bible, the arguments and the revisions, the inclusion of so many contradictory stories, I ask what are the chances that it could contain any semblance to what might be considered Truth? And why did Eusebius and the other members of the Council of Nicea allow this evidence of racism to remain in the book? Perhaps it reflected their own sociopathic views.

Herodotus

December 10, 2007

You say you heard a cocaphony in your travels through the wilds of Thrace
You thought it might be a melody of your own ancient race
It sounded like two cats wailin’ in the throws of primitive lust
And the dancer’s arms were flailing as they trampled in the dust
Did it sound like this, Herodotus?

The drumming sounded like thunder as you stood there in a trance
You mused to yourself in wonder, ‘this is no courtly dance’
They did not dance in couples and their hair was wild and long
And their naked dance was supple and as wild as their song
Did it sound like this, Herodotus?

Their drumming was inspired by sacred logs that were hollow
And the strumming of their lyres a gift from their fair god Apollo
As described by ancient Homer The Blind in the Illiad and the Odyssey
Now witnessed by yourself in kind in your travels for your History
Did it sound like this, Herodotus?
It sounds like rock and roll to me.

Bob Huck, 1989

herodotus

The trouble with the world is……….

December 8, 2007

…..there just ain’t enough banjos. It seems like the kids today just don’t want to play the banjo anymore. They’d rather get the newest gadget, the latest electronic gizmo so that they can listen to their bebop and their yeah yeah yeah with them bugs stickin’ in their ears. Singin’ ‘oh baby baby baby’ and ‘you know what I like’, lost in there own little world, shufflin’ along to the beat of the dismal drummer. And playing on their play stations with their peer to peer music, sending the same old rock and roll back and forth and calling it something new. And spending all those hours shootin’ down them space invaders. Well I don’t give a hoot about the space invaders. What I’d like to see is more banjos. Listen to the strains of a dulci melody wafting through the air. I say, let’s have more banjos.

banjo music