Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

A gun is a tool.

May 6, 2013

A gun is a tool.

It can be used as a hammer, a pry bar and a screw driver.

Easter 2011

April 14, 2011

Hopefully Jesus will see his shadow when he hops out of his cave on Easter Sunday, heralding the return of sunny summer weather.

God’s O

March 20, 2011

Why is god’s o sometimes puckered, g*d? Is his o viewed as obscene? Sometimes the o is so tightly clenched it doesn’t resemble an o at all, g-d

The Foot

January 6, 2008

Those that have spent time listening to a group of folks sitting around playing old time music will often wonder how it is that the musicians make these wonderful tunes end at the same time. To one unfamiliar with the music and really can’t tell the difference between the A part and the B part and the many variations of the rendering of the tune, let alone the occasional addition of a C part, the ending of the tune by all the musicians on the same note after an indeterminable amount of time can seem quite remarkable in itself. But after a couple of tunes have been played the keen observer will notice that the ending of the tune will be preceded by the lifting of the foot.

What may not be apparent to the casual observer is that it is not the lifting of the foot that announces the end of the tune. Rather it is the sound of the fart that follows. This signal blast may be lost to the ears of one unaccustomed to the squalling of the fiddle, sounding much like the squawking of a flock of geese flying overhead, but to the ears of the seasoned old time musician it is the signal to play the final note of a wonderful old time fiddle tune.

So next time you listen to a group of old time musicians and you see one of them raise the foot off the ground lean in a little closer and listen very carefully for a cherished and time honored old time musical tradition.

Foot

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2007

The Winter Solstice fell on Saturday, Saturn’s Day, this year. So the rebirth of the Sun started on his day, Sunday. All and all I’d say it was a successful Saturnalia this year. This bodes well for the Democrats in 2008.

Young Bill Gates

December 19, 2007

Young Bill Gates was a geeky nerd, some folks thought he was a genius.

But who else than a geeky nerd would name his software after his penis?

Mormonism, Ultimate Clamper Farce?

December 17, 2007

I’ve been reading, well lightly scanning, the Book Of Mormon on the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible site, and I’m struck by the many similarities in the story line of the book and the story of the creation of the Ancient And Honorable Order Of E Clampus Vitus. What really got me thinking about this is when I realized that Utah is called The Beehive State.

In 1844-45, Ephraim Bee formed a Chapter of E Clampus Vitus in Lewisport, Virginia. He would hold his meetings at his bar, called The Beehive Tavern. His chapter became very popular, and although there were other chapters spread across the country, Bee’s chapter is considered to be the one that gave birth to the chapters in the Golden Hills of California.

The Clampers are known for their mockery of the Masons, the sashes, the tin vestal adornments and officious ceremonies and most importantly their care and concern for the widders and orphans of Clamperdom, especially the widders. Although not a religious organization Mormonism seems to smack of all the values that a Clamper would want in a religion. Each man is a prophet and has many wives. Ceremonies are held in secret places accompanied by the most outlandish and absurd claims of spiritual truth. A man will eventually become a god. Jesus and Lucifer are brothers. These are stories that one might hear in the Hall Of Comparable Ovations.

So I ask, is it possible that Joseph Smith, Orson and Parley Pratt, Brigham Young and the others were Frolicking Friars, brothers in good standing in the Ancient And Honorable Order Of E Clampus Vitus, and that the religion they founded is but a farce, a mockery of the Roman Catholic Church? Credo Quia Absurdum.

Satisfactory

The trouble with the world is……….

December 8, 2007

…..there just ain’t enough banjos. It seems like the kids today just don’t want to play the banjo anymore. They’d rather get the newest gadget, the latest electronic gizmo so that they can listen to their bebop and their yeah yeah yeah with them bugs stickin’ in their ears. Singin’ ‘oh baby baby baby’ and ‘you know what I like’, lost in there own little world, shufflin’ along to the beat of the dismal drummer. And playing on their play stations with their peer to peer music, sending the same old rock and roll back and forth and calling it something new. And spending all those hours shootin’ down them space invaders. Well I don’t give a hoot about the space invaders. What I’d like to see is more banjos. Listen to the strains of a dulci melody wafting through the air. I say, let’s have more banjos.

banjo music

Fiddle Or Violin?

November 23, 2007

Both words, Fiddle and Violin, come from a common source. The source for these words is the Old Roman Latin word Vitula. Vitula was one of the many Roman Holidays celebrated by the ancient Romans. Roman Holidays were a time of fun and merry making, in some instances the slaves served by their masters. More than half of the Roman calendar was honored with a Roman Holiday. The word Vitula seems to be in honor of a goddess of life, or liveliness. It’s related to the word Vitus, Life. The day was celebrated by the musical accompaniment of stringed instruments played with a bow. These were fairly quiet instruments, as the sound post had not yet been invented, and were used mostly for their rhythmic quality. So both the Germanic word Fiddle, and the French-Italian word violin come from the same source and are equally correct. To my ears Fiddle sounds closest to the source, so I prefer that word. And besides, I don’t speak French.

Nero playing fiddleNeroNero playing fiddleNero playing fiddle

The Origins Of Old Time Music In America

November 23, 2007

In 1798 Napoleon, the great leader of the French Republic and the Grand Army, led 38,000 troops as well as civilian archaeologists into Egypt and commenced to digging around the pyramids and the Sphinx. Buried deep under the feet of the Sphinx he uncovered tunes dating back to the very beginning of civilization, music as old as Egypt herself. Things did not go well in Egypt and he still had the world to conquer, so he decided to sell the tunes and some land to the United States in order to finance his plan to spread the ideals of Democracy to all of Europe. President Thomas Jefferson was a great lover of music and was excited to give these great tunes to the American people as a gift, so in 1803 he purchased these tunes and the land from Napoleon for 15 million dollars. As the tunes were paid for with public funds, these tunes are public domain and belong to every American to do with as we please. My thanks go to Napoleon, Thomas Jefferson, and all the great old time musicians and musicologists that have studied and interpreted these fine tunes from ancient Egypt, these great American Fiddle Tunes.

Sphinx